We’re both in pieces, you and I.
We’ve been shattered a few times.
Sharp corners and jagged ends
Drawing blood from well-meaning hands.
But when I touch you, I don’t bleed,
For when our crooked angles meet,
Sparks fly, hot and bright,
The world is more than alright.
Oh yes, you know very well,
How you make my metal heart swell.
And though you and I hate to cuddle,
We’re two pieces of the same puzzle.
Image courtesy: Two Hearts Beat As One by alexandru1988
It can be a life-changing moment; when your best friend of 12 years comes out to you as bisexual. This is a friend you’ve had sleepovers with since you were a child, cuddling together in the same blanket before adulthood made cuddling gross. A friend who insisted on eating maggi from a single plate; and whose pathetic attempts at cooking food left you eating tasteless, lumpy and uncooked biryani. A friend you’ve shared every little secret with. A friend you even shared crushes with! (We were big on sharing back then). A friend who you almost lost contact with a couple of times after school, but who clawed her way back into your life like a resilient little cat.
So the moment that this friend tells you that she’s ‘officially’ attracted to both men and women can be life-changing.
But it wasn’t. And my response of “Weren’t you already bisexual?” was perhaps surprising, and a little anticlimactic. “Yes, but its official now!” she had answered, rolling her eyes. But after hearing stories of her dalliances with both genders for almost a year, and cringing at the detailed descriptions (there is no such thing as too much information, she keeps telling me), this news was not news.
It’s been almost two years now since my best friend first embraced the ‘bi’ label. Fortunately, she’s surrounded by people who sooner or later were accepting of all her labels; whether the bisexual one, or the poly amorous one. Of course she comes across people who’re incredulous, or who say or write hurtful things under the guise of ‘trying to understand’ and ‘creative freedom’. But Sammy has always been a tough one, and I sometimes find myself getting more offended by people’s insensitivity than her (for good reasons, I assure you).
“What was it like?” she asked me the other day, “When I told you I was bi? You didn’t exactly respond.”
“Didn’t I?!” I paused for moment.”It didn’t change anything”
She gave me a relieved little smile.”Good. Because your response matters.”
So we joke about being in a relationship, because after 12 years, it sure feels like one. We’re big on sharing again; clothes, make up, even food. (She offered to share her boyfriend as well, but I had to draw the line somewhere!) We make plans to live together, travel together, sing together, write together. We’re inseparable, which can sometimes irk people, but we love annoying people, so it works in our favor.(Some may say that’s unhealthy, but what do they know?)
Maybe this is not what I expected when I started talking to the new girl in my school. But this is much better! We’re not conventional, and we don’t ever intend to be.
So this is a shout out to everyone who has that loved one who’s different from you, and makes life choices that you might never completely understand. Support them through every decision they make. Because those decisions are hard. And your response matters.
PS: For those of you who’re not exactly sure about what bisexuality is, or need a coming-out anthem, here’s a video you must watch at all costs.
How lovely would it be
If you and me were lost at sea,
Or disappeared among the misty clouds,
Or hid under the warm brown earth?
The two of us, side by side,
Without another, for a while.
No distractions, no anxieties,
Nothing to cloud our tired minds.
How the words would flow!
From your lips to mine
And back from mine to yours
An intimacy so sublime.
Our eyes would crinkle and shine
The way they did once upon a time,
And our hearts and minds would heal
From the blows and bruises of life.
Do you think they would notice?
Realize that we have gone?
Or would the world just carry on,
The way it did before we were born?
But it wouldn’t really matter
Whether the world wasted away,
Or shook with tears of joy,
‘Cause I’d have you by my side.
So darling, come with me now,
Away from life’s cruel games.
We could finally make
The great escape.
How do I, from this multicoloured sea,
Pick droplets of colour to describe you and me?
Do I pick yellow for the happy memories
And colour the sad ones with blue?
Or do I just paint a rainbow
To describe everything we’ve been through?
But a rainbow isn’t enough!
Seven colours don’t suffice
To show you all the things
That I feel deep inside.
‘Cause though my heart is broken
And it feels a little blue,
There’s a new, rosy glow around it
And that feels nice too!
But this isn’t about me,
It’s about me and you.
Seven colours can’t describe us,
Neither can twenty-two.
But darling, don’t fret. I have a solution, you see.
It’d take the entire sea to describe you and me.
We hear about this all the time. How women always fall for the jerks. How the nice guys are friendzoned. How they never get a chance. How unfair it is.
Having been friendzoned myself, (yes, it happens to women too!) I know how you feel. And having friendzoned quite a few guys myself, I also know the other perspective; the woman’s perspective that no one seems to bother about.
So I figured I would put it out there. An answer to the eternal question on every nice guy’s mind:
Why don’t women choose the nice guys?
Dear ‘Nice Guy’,
First of all, I’d like to thank you for being there for us. No matter what, we can always depend on you. In the good times or the bad, you always have our back. Especially in the bad times.
Come to think of it, you always befriend us during our times of need! Whether we’re having problems with our studies, parents, boyfriends or friends, you suddenly show up and give us a shoulder to cry on. You listen patiently to all our rantings and try to help us out. That’s what good friends do, and we appreciate it. You’re a nice guy.
But as soon as the problem goes away, you start expecting some appreciation or some kind of a reward for helping us out. Most of the times, friendship is just not enough and you want ‘something’ more. And if we don’t feel the same way about you, you get hurt. Offended. Unable to understand why we wouldn’t want to be with a ‘nice guy’ like you.
Let’s get something straight. If you feel this way, you are not a nice guy. Just because you helped us in our time of need, we do not ‘owe’ you anything. And if you feel that you are entitled to some kind of benefits simply because you helped us out, you are highly mistaken. And not at all nice. In fact you are a selfish douche. And not a very good friend.
And if you are one of those guys who has liked a girl since a long long time, and has stayed her friend and supported her through thick and thin, but never expressed your feelings, you have no right to complain! The girl probably doesn’t even have a clue that you like her. Just being there for her is not going to magically make her fall in love with you. You have to tell her how you feel. If she feels the same way, good for you! If she doesn’t, you can still continue to be her friend. Unless you were only doing it to get close to her. In which case, you are also a douche.
And this is the reason girls don’t fall for guys like you. Because deep down, you are not a nice guy, and we know it.
So don’t go around complaining about how life is unfair, and how you don’t have a chance. Maybe if you just asked us out instead of trying to get close to us when we’re vulnerable, you wouldn’t have such a hard time. Maybe then you would actually have a chance at a relationship based on mutual respect and not planning and manipulation on your part.
But for that, you would have to be a nice guy.
With love,
The friend that you lost.
“No one ever messes with me.” Panda used to say. “No one dares.”
Panda was one of those children who never really got bullied. A kid did try to bully him once. And for a few days, Panda let him. But when the kid threatened to physically beat him up, Panda held on to his man-parts and squeezed and squeezed and squeezed like his life depended on it, reducing the bully to a small body on the floor, shrieking in pain.
Clearly Panda had, and still has, the potential of being a bully. But he holds his head in pride, saying that he has never bullied anyone and he never will. Little does he realize, he already is a bully.
Not the kind that beats people up or takes their food or money. But the kind that throws other people in the campus lake, knowing that no one will ever dare to throw him in. The kind that threatens to pour muddy water over my head on my birthday. The kind that can only attack but never be attacked, because he’s too strong. After all, his favourite super-hero is Hulk.
Now I’m not saying he uses his super-strength for evil, but his imperviousness has always irked me. So imagine my surprise (and happiness) when I saw the fall of Panda with my own eyes.
It was holi, the Indian festival of colours, and celebrations were in full swing. People were playing with colours and water, and eventually began throwing each other into the mud. Panda stood there threatened to throw me and Doll into the mud, chest all puffed up because no one would throw him in.Then it happened.
In a flash, three of our fellow-students caught hold of him and began struggling. They weren’t trying to throw Panda into the mud, they simply wanted to rip his t-shirt. And boy, did they succeed! After 10 mins of struggle, I saw Panda standing with GG. Both of them looked ruffled with their torn t-shirts held in place by tying knots.
I felt immensely satisfied. Panda looked humbled and quiet, and a little sad. I couldn’t help but smile. The universe was alright. Balance had been restored.
Being born into a Hindu family, Christmas was to me a strange phenomenon. I’m not saying that non-Christians in India don’t celebrate Christmas. But people around me didn’t. So I never really had the opportunity to celebrate Christmas, until this year.
This year, me and my friends went all out. Or rather, I went all out. From joining the college choir and singing Christmas carols in dresses and Santa hats, to participating in Secret Santa and beating my brains out buying gifts for a friend, the Christmas spirit was in the air for almost an entire month!
Christmas eve was spent drinking hot chocolate and exchanging gifts.
Then, Christmas day arrived. We dressed up and went out for lunch, while the evening was spent on campus, in the quite comfort of a good movie.
The next morning, another Secret Santa emerged, inviting us all for a treasure hunt that evening! After running all over the campus looking for clues, we finally celebrated with cake and fortune cookies.
By the end of it, I realized that we did all of this not because of religion or tradition. But because it was fun. Because giving and receiving gifts made us feel loving and loved. And isn’t that the essence of Christmas?
We all need a little sugar in our lives. A sprinkle of joyful and loving moments to make life a little bit better, a little bit sweeter. For me, 2014 had its ups and downs. But with this Christmas, my year ended on a honey-filled note.
What was your sweetest, most joyful moment in 2014? Comment below!
In the journey of life, we come across hundreds of people; all eccentric in their own way. Out of these, we pick a few as friends. A choice based on our own whims and fancies. After all, we’re eccentric too!
Over time we get to know them better – their likes and dislikes, their strengths and weaknesses, basically everything that makes them so adorkable. (yes, I just made that up)
There are certain things about them that we don’t like; their stubbornness or their anal obsession over cleanliness. But we deal with it anyway, because they give us something we crave in our lives. It could be adventure, stability or simply a listening ear.
Sometimes, we find we don’t need those things in our life anymore. And so, we don’t need those people anymore. That’s when relationships get tense. We begin to focus on their annoying habits, their irksome behaviour. And we begin to detest the person who was once such a dear friend. Maybe inseparable.
Of course we cannot blame ourselves for this sudden change! It is always so easy to blame someone else. To look at how drastically they have changed ( for the worse, of course!) and easily overlook the change in us.
You might say this is a selfish way of looking at friendship. That friendship is purer than a self-serving attitude. But is it really?
Look around you, at the kind of people the surround you in everyday life. They all enrich your life in so many ways, give it meaning and colour and spirit. Now look at the ones left behind; the people you are no longer friends with. Maybe you had a falling out. Maybe you lost touch with them. Maybe you simply drifted apart.
In the end, it just boils down to a simple reason. You no longer needed them in your life. And that does not make you cold-hearted or evil. It simply makes you human.
I had this friend, who was incredibly close to me.
She joined my school in 3rd grade, and we instantly disliked each other. It was hate at first sight! She was my sworn enemy. My nemesis. In 5th and 6th grade we could almost tolerate each other, to the extent of friendly greetings and cordial conversation. By 8th grade we were the best of friends; inseparable.
For years she claimed that I glared at her on her first day in school. A blatant lie! But Sam was always a good liar. With funny stories and crazy characters, she sometimes kept up the charade for years, leaving the best of us bewildered.
She’s been talking about this for 2 years! There must be some semblance of truth in it!
Of course there wasn’t! She had make-believe cousins with make-believe friends; or maybe the cousins were real. I can’t tell the difference anymore. The point is she was a good liar, and sadly even though I was her best friend at the time, I almost fell for them.
But it didn’t matter. We were too wrapped up in each other (not literally) to care about the world. ‘Soul sisters’ Sam would say. Our endless chattering left everyone around us a tad annoyed; our friends, our parents. We would talk in the bus, at school, and after school we would talk on the phone for hours. Even our silences were familiar. Her mum would sometimes say we were like a couple. She found our friendship amusing. And she loved me.
I say I had a friend, but she isn’t dead. Neither have I lost contact with her. But our friendship seems like a thing of the past. A lot changed after 10th grade. We lost contact for a year. And within that year Sam changed into someone else; into something else. (I know! Crazy Supernatural reference) And now everything is different. Her mum hates me. We don’t tell each other anything. She doesn’t even remember how close we were in school! Sure, we still talk once or maybe twice a year. We still call each other best friends. But that term is now as hollow as an empty vessel.
I thought we were slowly going back to the way we used to be. I sure hoped that we were. But then she forgot that yesterday was my birthday! She always forgets to wish me at midnight, being the scatterbrain that she is. But she usually remembers in the morning. Well she called me late in the evening, fervently apologizing and giving excuses. But it didn’t matter. Because I had forgotten to expect a call from her. I had forgotten I had a friend called Sam.
We all have that one friend at some point in life; that one friend that means the world to us. That one friend who is closer to us that any other person can ever be; be it a family member or a lover. That friend annoys you to no extent and tests your patience. But then, that’s what they are there for! They help you survive downfalls and family problems and heartbreaks and failures; and are pretty cocky about it! But at the end of the day, you love them. So pick up your phone and call the friend. Call them before they forget you, and you forget them. Because Sammy, I don’t want to forget you ever again.
Looking in a Mirror 